


angel

by changkkungie



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Fluff, M/M, Minor Chensung, Minor yuwin, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, deaf!jaemin, minor markhyuck, mute!renjun, sicheng is renjun’s cousin !, very cute and innocent !!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-16
Updated: 2019-01-16
Packaged: 2019-10-11 09:02:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 12,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17443901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/changkkungie/pseuds/changkkungie
Summary: renjun is a mute transfer student. he meets a deaf boy, jaemin, who soon becomes his closest friend. but what happens when feelings get involved along the way?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> hi ! i’m exporting all of my “good” fics from wattpad to here ! just a fair warning, i know little to nothing about being mute or deaf, so i apologize if this story is quite inaccurate. please enjoy and i promise u guys my writing is way better than this hxhsjfj this is a bit old ;;

when renjun moves from china to korea, its a huge and quite terrifying transition. yes, it might've been an impulsive decision to move to a different country with his older cousin sicheng, but it's not like his parents would care anyway. it was a good idea to get away from them.

the most difficult part is when sicheng has to explain to his teachers that, "this is renjun, he's fifteen years old but he hasn't spoken since he was seven— he does great in school though." being mute wasn't exactly much of a problem to renjun. he'd been alone his entire life school wise, but now that he's in korea, sicheng has met a bunch of chinese friends. he's okay with them.

but the funny part is when a small kid with big teeth and a bigger smile plops down in the seat next to him and stretches out his hand for renjun to shake in the middle of his science lectures. renjun just smiles hesitantly and gently takes the boy's hand, shaking it and then placing his hands back in his lap where they sat previously.

the auburn haired boy pulls out a notepad and a pen. renjun assumes he's getting ready to take notes, so he turns his head back to his teacher. but the kid next to him taps his shoulder and slides his notepad over.

**hi, i'm na jaemin! its nice to meet you. i cant tell you this verbally because i'm deaf.**

so someone uses pen and paper like him.

renjun breaks out into a grin, and speedily writes back.

_i'm renjun! i'm mute so i cant tell you verbally either._

they begin a system of passing notes back and forth as their own way of communication, hoping that their teacher doesn't notice they arent paying attention to his lectures at all.

**i'm fully deaf, by the way. i cant hear anything, not like some other deaf people who just have distorted hearing.**

_ohh. were you born with it?_

**yeah, but they're gonna try and fix me soon! it'll be a lot of money but there's an organization that helps deaf people get special hearing aids. my parents said by the time i graduate high school i'll be able to hear.**

this jaemin kid is extremely cute. the way he smiles at renjun as he passes the notebook, watches him write, smile even wider when renjun passes it back, and then scrunches his face in total focus makes renjun want to hold him in his arms and protect him from the world.

_that's so cool! im really happy for you :-)_

**thank you! were you born mute?**

this note makes renjun a little anxious. he doesn't want to explain how he became mute, because not only will it change how jaemin sees him, but it always brings back horrible memories that'll shake renjun up.

he hesitantly writes  _no_  and leaves it at that. jaemin seems to take the hint and changes the subject.

**ah, okay. are you from korea, by the way? your name sounds foreign.**

_no, im chinese. i moved here with my cousin. you might've seen him around. his name is sicheng and everyone thinks he's cute, he has blonde hair and one pointy ear and one round ear._

**oh, ive seen him around! he's the one that hangs out with kun and yukhei? i thought he was related to chenle at first, probably cause of the blonde hair.**

_yeah, thats him. who's chenle?_

**this really cute chinese kid! i think you'll enjoy being his friend. i've always wondered what his laugh sounds like since he smiles so wide.**

jaemin calling whoever chenle is "cute" puts a bitter taste in his mouth. jaemin saying he wishes he could hear chenle's laugh pinches his tongue sour. they just met, though, and renjun didn't even know chenle existed till now, so he doesn't let it get to him much.

_ohh, i think ive seen him around this kid with blue hair. im brand new so you're the only person who's spoken to me. i dont know anyone here._

**that's fine! and that's jisung, him and chenle are first years. my friends and i think they like each other.**

_wait, its not foreign for there to be gay people here?_

**oh, it is. jisung gets bullied from time to time because of it, but my friends and i are not shitty people, so we dont care.**

_that sucks, im sorry. at least you're open minded like me :-)_

**yeah! do you know sign language?**

_no, nobody ever taught me. it'd be a lot easier to talk to you though?_

**i guess. all of my friends know a bit of sign language (donghyuck is fluent) because thats how they communicate with me so it would've been more convenient if you did.**

_yeah, i guess so. maybe you could teach me?_

**sure!**

soon, the bell rings, and renjun and jaemin smile goodbye. to him, jaemin's smile is shining and radiant, beautiful and glowy and sparkly and everything nice. maybe jaemin just met him, but renjun wants him to stay in his life forever.

\--

days pass and now renjun is a part of jaemin's little friend group. donghyuck is very bright, and mark is very kind. chenle's laugh is really enjoyable, it makes renjun feel bad that jaemin cant hear it (instead of his previous jealousy). jeno has a nice smile and jisung is very welcoming.

they're all very funny, but renjun cant bring himself to laugh, no matter how much he wishes he could. the most he can get out of himself is a breath of air and a wide smile, but he wonders if the others know he's trying.

he's glad they're open to the idea of friends having disabilities, while the other kids have been sort of rude to renjun not being able to speak. otherwise, he enjoys the school and the work provided isn't difficult. for a while, his life is okay.

until it kind of isn't.

"renjun," sicheng calls for him from the living room. renjun gets up from bed (texting jaemin) and walks over to the couch. his eyes say,  _what do you want now?_

"how does verbal therapy sound to you?" the blonde asks hopefully. his hair's natural color has taken root, dark brown hidden under fading blonde locks.

renjun's mouth opens to protest, but nothing comes out. he shakes his head violently, hoping that actions speak the words his mouth cant. "no? how come? dont you..... want to..." sicheng tries, obviously hinting at saying "dont you want to talk?"

the younger rolls his eyes and shakes his head. "renjun, im sorry, but i think it would be better for you. you cant just... stay mute all your life. i know someone who can help you.. recover," sicheng offers as he follows renjun to where he tries to retrieve his notebook.

_i dont want to go to therapy. im perfectly fine with the way i am. why cant you just leave me alone?!_  renjun writes— scribbles— in chinese.

"you know, being able to speak would be a good quality for you right now," sicheng states. renjun shakes his head stubbornly, and continues to write,   _just drop it. im fine on my own. i dont want to talk, we've gone through this before, you're supposed to be supportive of your poor disabled little brother._

"huang renjun, don't talk about yourself like that!" the blonde barks, "im just trying to help you."

_but what if i dont want your help?! im not going to therapy and that's final_. renjun chucks his notebook at sicheng (he doesn't care if he misses, which was probably the outcome) and storms off into his room.

he doesn't even know he's crying until he feels the tears hit his thighs as he sits on the edge of his bed, elbows on knees, phone in hands as he texts jaemin in anger.

me: i hate my brother so much.

nana: what happened ??

me: he's trying to convince me to go to some stupid therapy to get me to talk again.

nana: oh ?

me: i know it sounds dumb that i dont wanna go

me: it should be something i should be thankful and stuff for but

me: i dont want to talk, i stopped for a damn reason, you know ?

nana: yeah, you're right...

nana: are you comfortable with telling me why you stopped ?

me: i guess so, but please don't look at me differently

nana: of course i wont, you're my best friend

me: my parents weren't very good parents

me: i wasn't exactly the loudest kid but whenever i tried to talk to them about anything

me: like asking for food or talking about school or asking for help with homework or even saying good morning or good night

me: my parents would punish me for it because i bothered them so much

me: so i guess i just... gave up ? almost ? like i just figured that if my own parents didn't want to hear me then who else would ?

me: it took sicheng a while to realize that i was completely silent

me: but once he did he got so upset that he tossed a bag onto my bed and told me to pack whatever was important to me and next thing i knew, i was on a plane to korea where he had internet friends offering to take care of him

me: that's how i got here haha

nana: oh wow... im sorry renjunnie :-(

nana: it might sound dumb but

nana: i wish i could hear you

renjun's heart began to race. he facepalms and feels his cheeks burn, but why? why does he feel so embarrassed because of such a simple comment? its jaemin, for god's sake, his best friend.

me: thats very sweet :-)

nana: <3

nana: this might sound weird but i think you should go to the therapy. i want to help them convince you that you aren't a burden or a bother or annoying, you're an amazing person and you deserve every right to speak

nana: honestly fuck your parents

that sunk into renjun's brain and his heart and his soul. he was an amazing person who deserves every right to speak. jaemin thinks he's a good person..

me: you think so?

nana: i know so. at least try it for a week or two? if you don't like it at least you can say you tried

me: i guess you're right..

me: but how do i apologize to sicheng for throwing my notebook at him

nana: do the thing where you act cuddly and clingy

me: alright ;-) talk to you later

nana: love you <3

me: love you too ^^

the last messages make renjun's heart flutter, but he cant worry about that right now, he has a brother to apologize to.

he slowly exits his room and crawls onto the couch where sicheng is sitting. the older huffs and crosses his arms. renjun pouts at him and clings to him koala style, squeezing tighter when sicheng tries to push him away.

"im mad at you right now, go away," sicheng whines. renjun shakes his head stubbornly and cuddles further into sicheng's side. the older sighs and finally pets renjun's hair.

later, during dinner time, renjun slides his notepad across the table.

_i'll try vocal therapy._

sicheng smiles at him, and they share a fist bump.


	2. Chapter 2

of course it was painfully hard and took lots and lots of time, but renjun was trying his best. it sucked, because he only barely remembers how to speak chinese. but he doesn't know how to speak korean, only read and write and understand it when its spoken to him.

his vocal therapist is korean. sicheng is there with him three times a week after school to help him vocalize in chinese. the therapist offers a korean sentence for renjun try, reminding him to use the techniques he learned to coax his voice out (they had tried whispering and humming and then moved up to vowels and letters like ㅅ and ㅎ, then moved on to letters like 에, 오, 우, and then to words and short sentences) and then he translates it to chinese, sicheng always there to help him with pronunciation.

it's difficult, and it hurts a lot, but it's worth it when he texts jaemin all about it when he comes home from therapy. he's not ready enough to speak in a public place like school, so he writes jaemin that, but the other always tells him how proud of him he is. its definitely worth it.

watching jaemin read over his notes telling him that he's getting better and better every day. watching him smile and excitedly write that he's really proud of renjun and that he cant wait to hear him speak. it makes all of the uncomfortable stuff and painful stuff worth it.

it still makes renjun feel a bit jealous that chenle and donghyuck can make jokes with sign language to jaemin. sometimes they have rapid conversations with their hands that renjun can't understand, can't keep up with (renjun is horrible with sign language and only knows a tiny bit from jaemin's teaching). but renjun reminds himself; soon, soon,  _soon_. soon he can speak to jaemin and soon jaemin will be able to hear him.

it gets easier because all of his friends grin at him when renjun says good morning to them. the smiles get wider when renjun is able to laugh out loud instead of smile at their jokes. it gets easier because renjun can actually have conversations with sicheng at home, his  _notebook for speaking_  now just becomes his  _notebook for speaking at school_. it stays in his bag as he practices korean and chinese with his older brother.

renjun didn't expect his voice to be so deep. its gentler than jeno's, like donghyuck's, and its calmer than chenle's, like mark's. of course he doesn't remember what his voice sounded like when he was younger, but he can tell that it changed a lot over time. sicheng smiles whenever renjun speaks.

he'd done it while renjun ranted about how difficult his test was in korean.

"i don't get it! i thought i did a good job... did i say that right? good job, but i got it all incorrect!"

"you can just say wrong," sicheng smiled so wide.

"wrong.." renjun sounded it out. "i got it wro— why are you smiling?" the younger pouted.

"sorry," the blonde laughed wetly, and patted the mist away from his eyes. "im just so proud of you. i can't believe you're talking.." he coughs slightly.

renjun just looked at him. he pressed his lips together tightly, and huffed out a breath, "you're too cute for your own good sometimes. that yuta guy needs to open his eyes."

sicheng turned bright red, barked a "hey!" and chased renjun around the house.

before going to bed, renjun thinks about jaemin. what he sounds like. what renjun would sound like to jaemin. if jaemin thinks about renjun the same way he does. if jaemin's heart stutters when he sees renjun walk in the classroom the same way renjun's does.

and, sometimes, renjun even has dreams about what jaemin's voice sounds like, his mind basing it off of his wobbly laugh. maybe it's smooth and sweet and cute like the rest of him. maybe its beautiful like his smile and eyes. maybe its like a breath of fresh air like it is when renjun spots him in the hallways among other average faces. whatever it sounds like in his dreams cant possibly be good enough.

now that renjun thinks about it, hearing jaemin laugh and seeing jaemin smile is like the 8th wonder of the world. it feels like such a privilege to even sit next to him every day. talking to him is the best part of his day, renjun thinks. maybe jaemin is his best friend. maybe he wants it to be something more.

but maybe jaemin doesn't deserve him. jaemin is jaemin, a wonderful person, a heart of gold and a pearly white smile and eyes that sparkle like diamonds— an  _angel_  made of all of the special treasures of the world. renjun thinks he's a good person, behind his bad temper and stubborn, sarcastic attitude. but maybe jaemin deserves more, better than renjun.

\---

exactly eighteen months pass since he first visited the therapist. its a little anniversary that renjun feels proud to celebrate, but he thinks jaemin and sicheng are more excited than him. it doesn't compare to jaemin's text this morning though; he shares good news with renjun saying his family is only $700 away from his hearing aid. he'll be able to hear by the end of third year at this rate.

renjun is ecstatic at the thought, being able to speak and jaemin being able to hear him. at this point, renjun can speak full conversations in both chinese and korean. months of flashcards and practice sentences and all other kinds of basics and challenges (sicheng even had him order his own meal when they went to a restaurant for lunch) will finally pay off, and soon he will take jaemin with him to speech therapy to help him start talking.

of course, renjun still has trouble speaking. he forgets words and phrases and how to start certain sentences and sometimes messes up his languages (which isn't that bad, since chenle and sicheng understand) but for now, he can say hes around 70% fluent.

it all goes by so fast, and instead of the usual $100 a month, jaemin's parents added a bit more to their savings, jacking it up $50-$100 more depending on their budget.

now renjun can speak in public, becoming more confident in himself and his voice. he still goes through periods where he needs to take a break and give his vocal chords a rest. sicheng tells him that's because he's always been a bit of an introvert.

to say the least, renjun is glad he tried speech therapy. school gets better and having friends gets better and being able to speak gets better. it makes renjun blush when he catches jaemin smiling as he watches his lips.

renjun cant wait for the day jaemin gets his hearing aid.


	3. Chapter 3

  
when renjun wakes up one april morning, its because his phone is going off a mile a minute at 8am on a saturday. the notifications are all from jaemin, which effectively puts out the sour mood of being waken up he was in.

nana: renjun !!!!

nana: im getting my hearing aid today !!!!!!! my grandparents pitched in $200 !!!

nana: im taking you with me !!!!! :-)

renjun's heart stops.

the day has finally come, and it came a lot earlier than initially planned. honestly, genuinely, renjun doesn't think he's been happier ever in his life.

me: oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god

me: when ?? right now ??? oh my god im so excited im so happy oh my god oh my god

nana: in an hour !!! we scheduled it as soon as the doctor would let us !!!!!!! please be ready by 8:45 <333333

me: im already getting dressed djsjfjsnf oh my god im so happy for you !!!!!!

nana: im kind of crying lol i finally get to hear you

me: stop omg im gonna cry too

nana: im so excited !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

me: are the others coming ??

nana: lol no :-) im only bringing you with me <3

me: aw omg im so happy ///

nana: okay be there soon talk to you later (kinda lolol) 

excitedly, renjun shuts off his phone and continues getting ready. its 8:15 and he really doesn't bother to shower, instead rushing to make breakfast and brush his hair and teeth.

it might seem cheesy, but he really puts effort into looking good today, using a bit of light makeup and taking extra care in making his hair look presentable. today was going to be the best day of jaemin's life, so he has to make it extra special. its a good chance to impress both jaemin and his parents too.

by the time he checks himself in the mirror a few more times and brushes his teeth  _again_  after eating breakfast, jaemin texts him saying he's down the street. renjun's heart leaps in his chest as he grabs his keys and opens the door to leave.

jaemin's car pulls up to his house as he closes the front door and locks it, and by the time he gets to the car he's shaking and smiling so much his cheeks hurt. he opens the car door and hops inside, jaemin's mother greeting him from the passenger seat as his dad smiles at him through the rearview mirror.

"hello renjun! how are you?" his mother asks. renjun's speech is delayed, but he hopes jaemin's parents dont mind it much. "ah, i'm good, thank you."

"buckled up?" it's jaemin's dad's turn to ask him questions. renjun nods, and then turns to look at jaemin. the younger's smile matches his own as he watches renjun speak to his parents, and there's something in his honey brown eyes that makes renjun's heart squeeze.

"jaeminnie has been waiting for this for forever. im surprised he wanted to bring you with him, we thought he'd wanna go alone," his mother strikes up more conversation. its casual, such a simple statement, but renjun feels his cheeks warm up. "oh.. really? im flattered.." he offers as a weak reply, mind spinning with this new information.

"honey, which turn is it.." jaemin's dad asks his mom as they approach an intersection. "left," jaemin's mom replies.

a gentle tap is prodding his shoulder, and he turns his head to find jaemin handing him a notebook.

**why do you look so nervous ??**

_its your parents, duh. i want to impress them as much as i can_

**thats sweet :-) you look so nice talking. its like youre confident in yourself, you look different from what you looked like when you were mute**

_is that a good thing ?_

**of course ! its a compliment silly. you just look a lot happier**

_thank you then haha, are you excited ??_

**im getting more nervous the closer we get to my doctors office lol.... we're really close by now**

_really ? im so happy for you really !!! chin up jaeminnie <33_

jaemin's cheeks turn pink at that. he smiles at renjun and keeps the notebook in his lap.

they turn a few more corners until they pull up to a rather large building. it has big glowing letters with "hospital for the impaired" on it. the car parks and they begin unbuckling their seat belts, exiting the car.

"jaemin's grandparents couldn't make it since they live so far away. thank you for coming with us renjun," jaemin's mother smiles at renjun. renjun smiles and bows, "of course, its my pleasure."

he feels jaemin's hand rub his back as he straightens up and follows jaemin's parents in the building. renjun finds a sudden burst of confidence as he slides his arm around the younger's waist, not quite meeting his eye out of shyness.

when they enter the building, a receptionist greets them excitedly. "jaemin's special day, yes?" she asks. jaemin's parents start up a simple conversation with her while renjun and jaemin sit in the waiting room, renjun's hand sliding from his waist to his hand, holding it hesitantly. jaemin squeezes it and smiles at him. the older smiles back, heart jerking.

soon, the four are led down hallways and hallways by a nurse, moving left and right until they reach a door, supposedly jaemin's doctor's office. jaemin's hand grips tighter as the door opens and an older man with glasses greets them. they're led inside the tiny room with lots of machinery and two chairs. the doctor sits in the bigger one next to the machines and gestures for jaemin to sit in the other one. the room is strangely quiet, the only sound coming from the machines for a little bit.

the doctor types a lot on his computer and then starts discussing things with jaemin's parents, but renjun cant seem to pay attention, watching as jaemin bounces his knee nervously and plays with his fingers, staring at the doctor's machines.

"okay, so today, we have these little guys here," the doctor's words finally reach renjun's brain, his hands lifting up two hearing aids. they're made of clear plastic, but they look more complicated than regular hearing aids. "these will hopefully help jaemin hear. i have them connected to these machines to show me if they work, but of course we'll know when jaemin shows the usual reactions that he registers sound."

renjun's heart is racing as the doctor places the hearing aids back on his desk and starts explaining to jaemin what's happening with sign language. jaemin looks pale, but he smiles nervously and nods along to what the doctor is signing. jaemin's mom starts crying when the doctor asks if everyone is ready, all of them nodding. renjun is rendered speechless as he waits for the doctor to place the hearing aids in.

once the hearing aids are in jaemin's ears, the doctor signs to jaemin again.

"he's telling jaemin that he'll crank up the volume little by little so it doesn't hurt him," jaemin's dad tells renjun. he nods in acknowledgement, but he keeps his eyes trained on jaemin.

slowly, the doctor turns up the sound on the hearing aids. jaemin's eyes slowly widen as the hearing aids supposedly get louder and louder. the younger's hands start shaking as he gazes around.

"jaemin, can you hear me?" the doctor signs and speaks gently. the boy whips his head in the doctor's direction and starts nodding rapidly, a hand coming up to cover his mouth as he starts crying. jaemin's mom rushes to hug him, unable to stop her own tears. renjun feels his cheeks begin to pinch because of how wide he's smiling. he glances over to see the same for jaemin's dad.

the same laugh comes out again, all too familiar but now certain. jaemin's laughter is no longer shaky and off balance; its strong and vibrant and beautiful and glowing. jaemin's mom finally pulls away from the boy, letting him breathe for once and get used to the brand new sense.

jaemin finally meets renjun's eyes, and the chinese boy's breath catches in his throat. the younger points at renjun and then at his own mouth, his smile never breaking. "he wants you to speak," the doctor supplies, signing along with what he says so jaemin knows what he's saying, and jaemin nods along with him.

"hi jaemin," renjun squeaks out anxiously, waving his hand to help jaemin understand. jaemin's smile is still so wide, and he starts crying again. "are you happy?" the doctor asks him verbally and through his hands. jaemin sniffs and answers with sign language, "i've always wanted to hear his voice. im so excited."

"can you tell him that i'll bring him to speech therapy with me tomorrow?" renjun asks, feeling shy under jaemin's wondrous gaze. the doctor quickly translates what renjun had said, and jaemin is quick to reply, "thank you so much, i love your voice!" the doctor translates for renjun.

renjun blushes and mutters a shy thank you. jaemin laughs, and then abruptly stops, signing to the doctor. "he said he sounds weird to himself. you'll get used to it, jaemin. alright, so for the hearing aids..." the adults start discussing finances and directions that jaemin can't understand, so instead jaemin grabs a pen and starts writing on a piece of paper. renjun hovers over to read what jaemin is writing, and the boy looks up at him.

renjun tilts his head in question. jaemin points at him, then at his own lips, and then at the words on the paper. it clicks.  _he wants me to read out loud what he's writing._

"am i.... coming with you to therapy... every day," renjun reads, and he quickly nods, gently taking the paper to write his reply, taking the idea to read out his own writing as well. "yes, every sunday... wednesday.... and friday." jaemin's facial expression is one of awe as he's finally able to hear what he's writing. the chinese boy smiles as the younger takes the paper to write back.

"are they going... to help me speak?" renjun reads for him. "i also think.. i love your voice.... a little too much. oh my gosh," he whispers after he reads jaemin's little side comment. he thanks jaemin and answers his question with the same little technique they've formed.

"yes, they'll help you speak. i can help you right now, if you want. i know how they started teaching me how to talk again."

"okay. i could listen to you talk forever," renjun blushes at that one, and thanks him. jaemin cocks his head and smiles at him again.  _he doesn't understand what you're saying, idiot._

he writes down, "thank you. once you start talking you'll be a huge flirt," but doesn't read it out loud. the thought of his parents listening in on that kind of conversation has his heart skipping.

jaemin reads his reply and smiles, glancing up to shoot him a wink. renjun's heart jumps up to his throat and then back down.

"teach me how to talk?" renjun reads out loud jaemin's question. he nods and points at his own mouth, then blows air out of it, as if whispering "ha." then, he points to jaemin to do the same thing.

hesitantly, jaemin whispers, and even if its just a breath, renjun's smile almost breaks his face in half, nodding excitedly. "yes, yes!" jaemin mirrors him, smiling right back.

renjun points to himself and hums, then points to jaemin. the younger manages to hum back weakly, but it gets cut off by a cough. renjun knows the feeling. he nods again encouragingly, and jaemin tries again.

they try again and again, just like how renjun did, and soon jaemin is able to hum different tones. renjun teaches him how to say his own name, sound by sound, then syllable by syllable, then fully.

jaemin stops their little session and writes out, "if you've been speaking korean this entire time, then what does chinese sound like?"

"ahh," renjun thinks out loud, and jaemin copies him, giggling like a little kid. renjun smiles, and then starts in his native language, "hello—"

jaemin bursts into laughter again, and tries to copy him, "hello!" giggling again because it sounds so funny to him. renjun feels his face heat up, then his ears. he wishes he could hear jaemin laugh forever. "hello, my name is renjun." jaemin blinks at him, then smiles again. he writes, "chinese sounds cool but complicated!"

"it is complicated," he writes back, "i just introduced myself."

"the first word was funny," jaemin replies. renjun smiles as he reads, but they're interrupted by jaemin's parents.

"its time to go," jaemin's mom says out loud and through sign language. the boys nod and soon they're taken care of, jaemin's hearing aids unplugged from the machines, completely set up and ready to go.

they drive home, jaemin finally able to hear renjun's favorite songs on the radio. the rest of the day is spent with renjun helping jaemin with korean and different tones of voice.

renjun doesn't want to get his hopes up, but he thinks jaemin likes his voice the best.


	4. Chapter 4

months pass and renjun is pleased to find out that jaemin is a quick learner. he's on the level of speech therapy where he's starting to learn how to converse with people, already past relearning the korean alphabet and basic words and phrases. of course, renjun is always there next to jaemin, the entire way. he helps jaemin outside of the therapy room just like how sicheng did with him, encouraging jaemin to answer simple one word questions in class and helping him communicate with the others at the table.

jaemin cried when he heard chenle's laugh, describing how it's just how he had imagined it when he was deaf. donghyuck also sung for him, which also made jaemin cry, and mark showed him a little bit of what his guitar sounded like. its really amazing, watching jaemin listen and communicate to his group of friends. now, renjun takes every chance he can get to hear jaemin laugh or speak. he tells as many jokes as he can, tries to start conversations with him and helps him during class. he even reads out excerpts from the textbooks when the younger asks so jaemin can succeed in school. (jaemin just wants to listen to renjun talk.)

and renjun was right, jaemin was extra flirty with him now that he can talk. he's constantly complimenting him to the best of his ability, confidently blurting out things like "good hair" and "nice face." it never fails to fluster renjun, and it's embarrassing to the older boy just how worked up he gets when jaemin compliments him. the younger just smiles at him sweetly. jaemin also refuses to text unless he ultimately has to. now, his and jaemin's conversations are all verbal, the younger no longer texting him or writing to him at school, only calling him. more often than not, they get stuck, but they learn to figure it out when jaemin's vocabulary cuts short.

renjun likes taking walks with jaemin, too, because jaemin gets to hear the sounds of birds and cars and wind through trees and gets to learn more words. the korean boy points to grass and the sidewalk and the street and a building and asks, "how to say?" to which renjun replies with, "its 'what is that called' or 'how do you say this,' jaemin, but that's a bush." or flower, or rock, or chair. the younger is always excited to learn and it makes renjun's heart swell.

renjun has showed jaemin everything, from the sounds of cats purring to so many different kinds of songs and instruments, to even his own singing voice that he'd discovered a month or two ago. jaemin smiled at anything and everything, to which renjun asked why he was so happy all the time. the younger just replied, "because i'm with you."

all in all, its different, but a good different.

today, jaemin is learning more basic questions and pronunciation, since his voice still fails and gives out on him sometimes. renjun reminds jaemin to take breaks just like sicheng did, but the korean boy seems too excited to be talking to stop anytime soon.

"repeat after me," the therapist instructs. renjun watches as jaemin nods. "how much does this cost?" the younger parrots the therapist confidently. she nods, "good! again, how much does this cost?" jaemin glows at the praise and repeats, "how much does this cost?"

renjun smiles and adds that sentence to the flashcards. the therapist speaks up again, probably with a different question for jaemin to repeat, but the chinese boy cant seem to pay attention, too caught up watching jaemin and listening to jaemin and being near jaemin and  _jaemin jaemin jaemin_  to listen.

"may i use the restroom?" jaemin's voice snaps him out of it, and he quickly remembers to write down that question too. taking jaemin to speech therapy has also helped renjun with his own struggles in korean. it's like studying while jaemin and their shared therapist teach (without even knowing they're teaching). its a win-win situation, jaemin learns more and more every day while renjun learns with him and practices.

another hour passes until their session for the day is done. jaemin insists that they walk home, as usual, so renjun complies, because he really cannot say no to jaemin. the walk isn't very far, anyway.

"did you enjoy your lesson?" there he goes again, always trying to talk to jaemin. the younger nods, smiling, "it's because i was with you."

renjun feels his neck and ears heat up. he decides to play it casual, "i'm glad you like spending time with me." jaemin just shrugs, a gentle grin on his face. "how could i not?"

the older just smiles back. "jisung talked to me last night," jaemin starts, speech clipped but he's trying, and renjun nods, encouraging him. "he said i look.... happy. a lot happy— more happy."

"happier?" renjun offers. jaemin lights up and nods, "yes! i ask, 'why?' and he says because i can talk with you."

"me?" the chinese boy asks. jaemin nods again. "he says the others agree. its true?" he asks cutely. renjun just shrugs, "you've always been happy. but i guess so."

"i guess so," jaemin copies him and giggles. renjun smiles. "doesn't jisung sound a lot different from donghyuck?"

"yes, i like their voices lots!" jaemin replies. "donghyuck is nice at singing."

"i know, huh," renjun agrees, and there's a tinge of jealousy in the pit of his heart, but he ignores it, "so is chenle."

"chenle has the best laugh," the other says. renjun nods in agreement again. he gets lost in his thoughts as the conversation drifts off. jaemin has really come far, although his words are limited, he's learned how to express them very well. renjun's glad he took him with him to speech therapy. he's also glad that he was able to get his hearing aids, glad that jaemin became his best friend, that jaemin approached him during his science class. maybe renjun is glad he left china with sicheng, too. he's truly lucky to have jaemin in his life—

"we've arrived!" jaemin cheers. renjun snaps out of it. "ah, okay," he mumbles. "ah, okay," jaemin copies him again, smiling coyly.  _he does that a lot_ , renjun thinks.

"goodbye jaemin, love you," he blurts.  _wait,_ _fuck_.

jaemin tilts his head in question, "what does that mean?" renjun panics internally (and probably externally) as he quickly recognizes his decisions; explain it to him, lie to him, or play dumb. none of these sound appealing.

"ahh, its... um," he shakes his head, "i just said goodbye?"  _play dumb it is._

"okay!" jaemin is quick to dismiss it, "bye renjun," he singsongs as he waves, and renjun watches as he opens his door and disappears into the average sized house.

while renjun walks down to his own home, his mind begins racing. why did he say that? why did he suddenly feel envious of donghyuck and chenle? why was he so hesitant to explain what he said to jaemin? why is he so embarrassed? why is he always so shy around jaemin? why does the younger's flirting affect him so much? maybe he should sleep on it.

he arrives home, and soon enough, it gets late and renjun crawls into bed after texting jaemin goodnight.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> chinese is in italics :-)

 

after that day, renjun has continuously dismissed those intruding thoughts of why, why,  _why_. he always tells himself he'll sleep on it, his brain will figure itself out on it's own, there's no need to worry about it and distract himself from more important things, and it's  _definitely_  not worth making things weird between him and jaemin.

its been a couple of months, and jaemin has improved greatly in his korean. for a long time, its always been about jaemin for renjun, his entire world revolved around the younger boy. the feelings that he had been pushing back for a long time are coming onto him full force, slapping him in the face multiple times a day. with every little thing jaemin does, renjun feels himself react so dramatically.

it doesn't help that jaemin's flirting has become a lot worse. not only is it rougher on renjun's ( _weak_ ) heart, but jaemin also takes it upon himself to sweet talk the other boys. its silly, his jealousy increasing more and more every day when jaemin flirts and shows affection to his friends. renjun is greedy; he wants all of the attention to himself.

it's at the lunch table when renjun decides to take it upon himself to figure out just what's going on with his feelings. and who's better to have a private conversation with than his close friend chenle?

"chenle," renjun asks. the cafeteria is too loud for the others to hear him, although when renjun interrupts the conversation, donghyuck and mark look at him, but they pay no mind. the younger chinese boy looks in his direction, smiling brightly at him, because it's what he always does. but the grin seems to falter when he catches onto the glum expression on renjun's face. " _i need to talk to you about something._ "

" _what's wrong, ge?"_ thankfully, chenle's smart enough to catch the hint and switch languages.

" _ahh, i dont even know, thats the problem_ ," renjun whines. jaemin glances over at him in the middle of his conversation with jeno, and the black haired boy follows jaemin's eyes, also raising an eyebrow. renjun tries to ignore it, " _ive been having weird feelings lately, chenle. i cant talk to anybody else about it_."

" _how come_?" chenle frowns. " _you havent told jaemin_?" renjun shakes his head, scratching his neck timidly, " _i really cant tell jaemin. its about him_.." the younger's eyebrows raise, " _what do you mean_?"

renjun notices jisung looking up from his phone and staring at him and chenle.  _please dont_... renjun begs in his head,  _please_..

"what are you guys talking about?" the youngest asks, innocent and truly not meaning any harm, but it grabs the others' attention. "its private stuff!" chenle insists, "our business." jaemin frowns at renjun.

" _chenle, i dont know how to describe it, i feel really embarrassed when jaemin flirts with me_ ," renjun continues instead so the others can't interrupt his dilemma anymore. " _when he smiles at me, my stomach feels... off_."

" _you mean like when you're on a roller coaster and you drop down really fast_?" chenle suggests. renjun nods, " _yes, kind of like that, but warmer... and i only want to talk to him all the time. i haven't really felt like this before_!" he sighs, exasperated.

" _ge, i know how that feels. i really do_ ," chenle smiles. " _you have someone who makes you feel like that too_?" renjun asks. the younger nods. " _right now_?" he asks again, and chenle's cheeks turn a little pink. " _ah, yeah.. he's sitting next to me right now, playing on his phone_."

renjun smiles at jisung. the younger is completely unaware, immersed into his little video game, tapping on the screen a bit too roughly. " _ge, i think you might like jaemin. a lot_."

the older sighs and pinches his nose bridge. " _this is going to be a headache_ ," he complains, and jaemin shoots him a worried expression, to which he just smiles at tightly. " _it must be hard for you, considering jaemin's personality_.." chenle hums, " _jisung doesn't talk much to anyone else. he's with me all the time. but jaemin... he's different_."

" _yeah, i know_ ," renjun nods, solemn, " _i_   _hate feeling jealous. it's the worst thing ever_."

" _you can get over it, ge_ ," the younger tries to cheer him up. " _i know you can. it can't be that hard. i'll be here for you the entire way_!" the older smiles at him, glancing sadly at jaemin smiling and talking excitedly to jeno, " _thank you, chenle. don't tell anyone, or i might die_."

" _i dont want you to die, so you dont have to worry_ ," chenle laughs, and renjun watches as jaemin brightens up at the sound, grinning at chenle and reaching over the table to tug on the second youngest's ear.

the conversation changes and renjun decides its safe to speak korean again. they talk about mindless things while renjun slowly falls mum, only listening and eating as he enjoys the sound of jaemin's voice. he cherishes every second of it.

"oh, you guys," jisung finally speaks up, setting his phone down after winning another round of his game. "my dance class has a performance at the end of this month."

"to kick off the end of the school year?" jeno asks. jisung nods, "we've been preparing for a while so please come watch me," he pleads, shy. "of course we'll come!" chenle assures him, petting jisung's hair. "it'll be the first time jaemin will watch you dance and be able to hear the music!"

"oh wow, you're right," mark hums. "im so excited!" jaemin cheers, "i cant wait, i've always wanted to see that."

"i'll make you proud, nana," the youngest smiles, and jaemin winks at him, "i know you will." chenle glances at renjun, and he mumbles, " _i'm fine. im not that fragile, chenle_."

"you know what? you guys are acting suspicious," donghyuck narrows his eyebrows accusingly. "what's going on between you two?" renjun looks at chenle, then back at donghyuck in a panic. "everything is fine! if it were that serious, i would've told all of you guys."

"alright, cut it out," jeno interrupts before donghyuck makes a remark, "lunch is over in a minute. don't start arguing now."

the table quiets down as the boys begin packing their things. jaemin's finger prods at renjun's shoulder, and the older looks up from his backpack. the worried look on jaemin's face is still there. "if you ever need me, you know you can talk to me, right?" he mutters. renjun's nod, his smile still tight, "i know. i just needed to talk with only chenle about it."

"oh, alright.." the younger nods, voice distant. it hurts renjun a little bit to hear jaemin sound so disappointed. "dont worry about me, jaemin."

"how could i not?" the other replies, smiling gently. renjun just smiles back, and then lunch is over.


	6. Chapter 6

  
nana: renjun wake up

nana: renjun

nana: please answer :-(

me: whats wrong ??

me: its 3 in the morning nana

nana: i know

nana: i had a nightmare :-(

me: oh shit

me: are you okay ??

nana: i hate how weird i sound when i cry

nana: i dont know

nana: im still shaken up

me: im sorry :-(

me: do you wanna talk about it ?

me: you dont have to if you dont want to

nana: it was really scary

nana: remember when you were talking to chenle in chinese ?

nana: you were like

nana: talking about how much you had a crush on jeno

nana: and i found out cause kun hyung told me

nana: and it got really scary cause you guys started dating and started forgetting about me

nana: and i was alone again and you werent my friend anymore

me: oh jaemin :-(

me: im sorry about your nightmare

me: i would never leave you jaemin, you're my best friend

nana: thank you

nana: its just that you're my first best friend ever and i owe a lot to you

me: you don't owe me anything

me: you're my first best friend too

me: thanks to you i have a good group of friends

me: i'll stay by your side forever

nana: thank you :-) i love you

me: i love you too, did you stop crying ?

nana: yes thank you

me: don't worry about it !

renjun blinks at his phone screen, barely remembering having such a conversation with jaemin. it made him sad that jaemin's brain came up with such a terrible scene, and it's probably because the younger thought about it a lot.

it baffles him, really, because someone as amazing as jaemin doesn't deserve to feel that way. jaemin is everything renjun's ever wanted, and it's hard to put into words just how much the younger means to him. renjun can only hope jaemin has an idea.

after renjun gets ready and arrives at school, he notices that jaemin shows up late to class, eye bags dark on his face. it clashes against his skin harshly, and renjun wishes that nightmare never occurred, jaemin looks  _exhausted_.

the younger just smiles at him, though, and greets him, as if he doesn't look like he got three hours of sleep last night. "good morning! did you eat breakfast today?" renjun shakes his head, "i cant eat this early in the morning. it hurts my stomach."

jaemin nods in understanding, "alright," the conversation trails off as renjun starts on his bellwork, but he can tell something is bothering jaemin. he can practically feel the thoughts itching at his own mind. "i'm sorry for waking you up last night," the korean boy finally says. renjun looks at him, tilts his head, "why are you sorry? you know i will be there for you."

"i know, but," the younger sighs heavily, "i woke you up for a stupid reason. after all, dreams are only my imagination, right?" jaemin smiles. renjun shrugs, "that doesn't mean you're silly for getting upset. nightmares can be really vivid."

_what bothers me, though_ , renjun thinks,  _is that you're insecure about something so unrealistic._

"i guess you're right," jaemin hums. soon, they're taking notes and listening to the lecture. that's another thing renjun can appreciate about jaemin, the younger cares about education like renjun does, while the other kids in the class talk and ignore whatever's going on around them. jaemin pays attention well, but falls behind in notes, to which renjun helps him.

renjun sighs, wishing he were better with his words to comfort jaemin. he hopes jaemin isn't as troubled.

while the class is working on an assignment, renjun's phone vibrates against his thigh. he slides his phone out of his pocket, and opens his message from donghyuck. 

hyuck: renjun hyunggg

me: you never call me hyung

me: what do you want from me ? i dont have money and you cant have my lunch

hyuck: omg shut up for one (1) second

hyuck: jisung has been practicing for his dance performance a lot !!

me: ?? ok

hyuck: don't you know its in a week, moron ?

me: what do you mean by a week ?

hyuck: this friday !!! your skull is thick, what else would it mean ?

me: you're really annoying

me: i know jisung practices well, he lives breathes and sleeps dancing

hyuck: you're taking jaemin with you to the performance right ?

hyuck: walking ??

me: yes, thats how we get everywhere

me: you say i'm the moron

hyuck: omfg cause you ARE

hyuck: do you not get what im getting at ?!

me: no, i really dont

hyuck: confess to jaemin at the concert you COWARD

me: confess ?!?!?!!??

me: i dont like him !!!

hyuck: seems fake

me: ?!??!!?!???!!?!!!!

hyuck: you're so helpless hyung HONESTLY

hyuck: i'm gonna rip my hair out

hyuck: who do you think you're fooling when you say those things ??

hyuck: you can't deny your feelings renjunnie hyungggg its unhealthy !

me: you're a nuisance

hyuck: and you're obvious !

me: i dont have to confess anything

me: ESPECIALLY to jaemin

me: he's my everything and i cant lose that

me: please just let me do my work in peace gosh you're really something else lee donghyuck

hyuck: he's been waiting for a long time for this, hyung

hyuck: i hope you know that

hyuck: as much as a nuisance i am, im not dumb

hyuck: i really care about him and he really likes you a lot

_so that's why he was so upset about his dream.._

hyuck: and i've known you enough to see that you're the same

me: what are you on about exactly

hyuck: you guys like each other a lot !!!!

hyuck: so get together and get married in 5 years or i'll destroy both of you !!!!!!!

me: i hate how observant you are sometimes

me: i'll think about it

hyuck: stage 3: acceptance

hyuck: you know that i value my friends' happiness more than anything

hyuck: i just know you'll be good for each other

hyuck: you both deserve each other and i want you guys to be happy together <3

me: how cute

hyuck: shut up you know i dont get deep like that often

hyuck: appreciate it while you can

me: gosh you know i'm awkward i dont know how to respond to that

hyuck: just thank me !!

hyuck: since i'm doing god's work and bringing my good friends together mwah

me: thank you is the least i can say really

me: i wish i was better with words

hyuck: you know i understand right

me: yes

me: i hope that i dont mess up

hyuck: omg are you implying you'll do it ??

me: omg shut up im doing my work

hyuck: gtg mark is bugging me

me: "bugging"

hyuck: ;-)

me: byeee

"who are you talking to?" jaemin whispers. renjun jumps and quickly exits the app, which causes the younger to raise an eyebrow, "donghyuck."

"oh," jaemin is wary, and renjun just smiles at him. "when is the dance performance?" the younger is quick to change the subject, and renjun blinks, because it's ironic how jaemin brings up what he and donghyuck were just talking about. "it's this friday," he replies.

"you're taking me, right?" jaemin smirks. renjun bumps shoulders with him, "of course. it's at seven and ends at nine."

"come around at six?"

"you already know."

jaemin smiles at that. renjun's ears feel hot.

\--

a couple days pass, and as jaemin is learning in speech therapy, everything that happens between him and renjun means so much more.

having somewhat of an idea, a little heads up that hey, jaemin might feel the same from donghyuck makes every smile, every second of eye contact, every touch and exchanged conversation a lot more overwhelming and exciting. of course, jaemin doesn't know about any of the hundreds of thoughts running in renjun's mind, completely oblivious to the fact that every time he turns to talk to renjun makes the older boy's heart leap.

this boy likes me back, he thinks. this boy really likes me back. he cant take his eyes off of jaemin, sitting right in front of him, listening to what the therapist is saying.

it's too much to take in, really. renjun is glad jaemin is distracted, because he's trying to even out his breathing.

there's really no way donghyuck would lie about something as sensitive as this, right? of course donghyuck figured out renjun's crush on jaemin by himself, but surely he knew how serious this topic is? it would be a dick move to set up renjun for failure, to get renjun worked up and excited for something that was impossible. donghyuck is a little shit, but he's not that much of an asshole, renjun half knows and half hopes.

if he really is telling jaemin how he truly feels, how is he going to say it? just a simple  _i like you_  and hope for the best? he can imagine jaemin taking it in the wrong context, excitedly telling him "i like you too!" and causing renjun to shut down. maybe he should write a letter, or say he  _loves him in a boyfriend way_. renjun should sneak some of sicheng's anxiety medication before anything.

he's shaken from his thoughts when the timer rings, signaling the end of the session, and so renjun quickly packs up his things. jaemin thanks the therapist and waits for him by the door, holding onto his backpack and rocking back and forth on his heels. its cute, everything about jaemin is cute, and renjun smiles at the thought.

"what's got you so... smiley?" jaemin asks, speech still slow and unsure as they exit the building. renjun shrugs, "i guess you're just that pretty."

renjun feels his face get hot.  _where did that come from?!_ jaemin blinks, and if renjun looks closely, there's pink adorning the younger's cheeks. "you flatter me, huang renjun," he teases back.

renjun just smiles wider, dropping the conversation, and lets jaemin walk him home.


	7. Chapter 7

  
its the afternoon of the performance, and renjun is getting ready. he doesn't know what kind of outfit to use for an event like this, or how he's going to straight up tell jaemin how he feels, but he'll wing it like he always does when he doesn't know what to do. whatever happens, happens.

"ge, those are joggers, if you're going to wear a pair of joggers at least have a matching jacket!" chenle's shrill voice sounds from the tinny speakers of renjun's phone.

"i know, i know! it's just difficult, i don't know how to dress to watch my friend dance!" renjun replies. the younger sighs into the phone, "you're not his father, ge. you don't need to wear fancy clothes."

"i am practically his father. we're  _all_  practically your guys' fathers!" renjun exclaims. "we raise you and feed you and you two are always sleeping over at mark hyung's house. we are your parents."

"that's not the point. just wear something casual! see, i'll even wear something normal so you won't be alone," renjun can hear chenle's grin through the receiver. "whatever, im just gonna go with whatever. whatever, whatever, whatever."

"stop, you sound like you're going to pass out," the younger whines, and the sound of clothes ruffling and hangers scraping is audible behind his voice. " _ah ha_! pants and a tee. that's casual, right? so don't sweat it."

"sure thing," the older grumbles, zipping up his jacket halfway over his plain white tee. "switch to facetime, tell me if i look presentable."

chenle complies, and renjun gets a flash of his forehead before the younger's phone is set on a surface facing up, the screen showing his ceiling fan. "ge, your outfit looks fine, but do something with your hair." renjun makes it down the hall to his bathroom, and groans. he looks lame with a bare face, and he's no good at doing his own makeup. all he's good at is doing his own hair.

"chenle," he says after a moment, "should i call up donghyuck to help me with makeup?" he asks the younger. chenle picks up his phone and picks at strands of his hair, using his camera as a mirror. "go ahead, if you want to look good for your boy—"

"shut up!" renjun yelps, switching to his messaging app, "he's not my boyfriend." he finds donghyuck's contact and types away at his phone. "yet," chenle mutters.

me: lee donghyuck you have 10 seconds to answer me or else you have to kiss mark on the mouth tonight and buy me a ps4 with two controllers

hyuck: IM HERE

me: damn it

me: please help your kindest dearest favorite hyung with his eye makeup <3

hyuck: "favorite"

hyuck: omg "kindest" ok as if jeno doesn't exist !

me: bite me

me: please i beg !!! i need to look nice

hyuck: what's the point of putting makeup on you if jaemin is going to kiss your lip tint off ?

me: i want eye makeup donghyuck

me: and dont you dare say anything like that again

hyuck: i can SEE you blushing but go off

hyuck: give me like 3 mins to be there

me: but dont you live like 15 mins away by foot

hyuck: mark is with me and he has johnny's car

me: alright

"now that that's settled," renjun sighs, "how should i do my hair?" chenle's screen has changed to him putting on his shoes and tying them, "i dont know," the younger hums, "part it to the side. you know, like how you did for picture day."

"alright," he chirps, grabbing his comb and hair spray.

renjun is drowning himself in hair products and chenle is on his third bowl of mac n cheese when donghyuck arrives. the secret code knock indicates its the younger (its the beat of  _ring ding dong_ , because donghyuck is annoying like that) and renjun opens the door, phone in hand. "hi mark, donghyuck," he says to the two, chenle cheering upon their arrival in the background.

"jesus  _christ_ ," donghyuck bellows instead of greeting him as they pass renjun's bathroom, "you fucking nuked the place with hair spray. it smells so bad in here."

"i just wanted to make sure my hair wouldn't get mussed up by the wind!" renjun argues back. "i don't think your hair will move  _at all_  tonight, it's like, cemented into place."

"thats the goal," the older shrugs. he smiles at mark, who immediately beelines to his fridge. "alright, so since you know that im pretty much a god at this," donghyuck starts, to which renjun rolls his eyes, "you need to let me focus and sit still. no moving around or i'll fuck your shit up."

"whatever, have at it," renjun rolls his eyes, and closes them once donghyuck approaches his face with an eye shadow brush in one hand and a palette in the other. "we're doing brown eyeshadow and darker brown eyeliner, alright?" the younger quips. "sure thing, boss," renjun replies.

mark comes back with a gogurt in his mouth, and he steals renjun's phone from him to talk to chenle.

"so," donghyuck whispers, and renjun opens the eye he's not working on. "didn't you  _just_  say you wanted to focus?"

"i need to talk or i'll go insane," the younger deadpans, "anyways. so chenle knows about your little plan as well?"

"it wasn't even my plan in the first place, but yes. yes he does."

"alright, so does that mean i can tell mark?"

"no, because mark has a thing for gossip, thanks to you rubbing it off on him. he'll tell jeno and then jeno will be really obvious, because as good as he is at holding his tongue, he's super bad at being subtle."

"what are you guys talking about?" mark asks. renjun leans away from donghyuck.

"they're talking about renju—" chenle's voice comes from renjun's speaker, but renjun interrupts him. " _zhong chenle, keep your loud mouth shut, or else_!" he barks in chinese. the younger blinks, jaws clicking when he snaps his mouth shut.

"geez, if it was that serious i wouldn't have asked," mark's voice is sulky. chenle stuffs a mouthful of mac n cheese into his mouth to keep quiet. unfortunately, that was for nothing, because donghyuck finds his chance to blurt, "renjun has a crush on jaemin!"

renjun feels himself blanche, and chenle chokes on his mac n cheese for a second from laughing, but mark seems unaffected, "oh really? thats nice."

that is, until renjun's phone trills with a notification from jeno. "i got it," the eldest says, and then reads aloud what he's typing. "hello.... this... is mark... renjun is... busy...... getting ready to.... confess to... jaemin. send!"

"oh my fucking god," renjun cries, unable to move with donghyuck straddling his thighs and holding him down to dust eyeshadow on his left eye. "its fucking over for you guys. i'm exposing all of your personal information. your addresses. locker combinations."

"ge, i didn't even do anything!" chenle shrieks. "you're the only innocent one," renjun tells him, "but the rest of you guys are dead meat!"

\--

after finishing renjun's makeup, they have thirty minutes until seven, and so donghyuck and mark leave to pick up chenle and jeno to drive them to the school. renjun leaves his house and walks a few streets down until he reaches jaemin's home.

he knocks on the door, and it takes five seconds (he counted, he cant help it) for jaemin to open it and smile at him. renjun can hear his own favorite song playing in the kitchen from jaemin's speakers, and for some reason, it makes his heart do hardcore gymnastic tricks.

"hi! give me just a second," jaemin says with a sweet smile, and he leaves the door open as he rushes to turn off his music. renjun watches as the younger unplugs his phone from the speaker and stuffs it in his pocket.

jaemin lightly jogs back and reaches for his keys behind the wall, shuts the front door and locks it. renjun studies him as he does so, and he notices jaemin dressed up nice. his hair is styled similarly to his, but in his own way, and if renjun is seeing correctly, there is a bit of makeup on the younger's eyes, cheeks and mouth. renjun's heart beats faster knowing that jaemin also took time to put effort into his appearance.

"shall we?" jaemin says teasingly, and renjun giggles.  _giggles_.

they begin their walk to the school, which isn't that far away. renjun decides to start up a conversation, because he cant help himself, honestly. he loves hearing jaemin talk.

"i heard you listening to my favorite song back there. its good, right?" he smiles at the younger, who nods. "yeah! i really enjoy it. it reminds me of you," he replies innocently, but renjun feels like there's a hidden meaning behind what he said. he decides not to look into it too much.

"im glad. are you excited for this performance? you already know jisung looks really cool when he dances.." he hums. jaemin smiles, "im ecstatic."

"new vocabulary?"

"i've been practicing lately!"

"with who?" renjun tilts his head. "taeyong hyung. i met him a little while ago and we became close. he helps tutor me," jaemin answers. "he's in honors classes for language."

"thats good!" the older exclaims. "i'm glad you're studying. you'll be fluent in no time." it might just be jaemin's makeup, but renjun thinks he blushes under the praise.

"well, i hope you enjoy tonight," renjun continues. he hates how it sounds like he's foreshadowing; is he being too obvious? is he dropping hints?

_stop thinking_ , he tells himself,  _whatever happens, happens._

once they reach the school, renjun and jaemin turn in their tickets, and meet up with jeno, chenle, donghyuck and mark in the auditorium. they have seats right in the fifth row, perfectly in the center, since mark pulled school president tricks and somehow preordered their seats. ("its the perk of being best friends with goody-two-shoes over here," donghyuck hisses, snickering. the other four smile as mark reads the pamphlet, oblivious.)

as renjun pays attention to the stage, he notices in his peripheral how jaemin is looking around, taking in all of the newfound sounds of being in an auditorium during a performance night. the whole room is buzzing quite loudly with chatter, and it seems quite overwhelming for the korean boy, so renjun swallows his pride and reaches over the seat, grabbing jaemin's hand and gripping it gently, gliding his thumb over jaemin's bony knuckles.

he keeps himself facing forward, too embarrassed to make eye contact with jaemin, and the younger looks at him. he feels his hand squeeze his back. donghyuck smiles at him from the other side of jaemin, and to his very right next to him, mark tells them jisung is going up fourth.

as if on cue, the room's lights dim down until they're completely off, and the dance instructor starts off the performance with an introduction. he then calls for the duet couple for their ballet performance, and then the night starts.

\--

the ballet performance was amazing, bringing back memories of how, as a child, renjun wanted to be a professional ballet dancer. the next dance is a solo hip hop choreography, and then after that is a group dance cover of exo's growl. renjun can feel the anticipation and excitement of jisung's appearance as the group dancers bow and the stage goes dark again.

"it's jisung's turn!" chenle whisper-screams. donghyuck is practically vibrating.

soon, the music starts, and renjun recognizes it as a western song that jisung has been listening to often. few lights turn on, and there's jisung in the middle of the stage, and suddenly he starts moving.

renjun feels jaemin's hand grip his, and he smiles. the younger watches in awe as jisung dances perfectly, every pop on beat, body movements smooth and fluid.

the group, all of them, especially jaemin are all speechless, holding their breaths the entire time jisung is on the dance floor. needless to say, jisung is amazing, and jaemin was eating up every second of the youngest's performance. it makes renjun overwhelmingly happy that jaemin can experience fully what jisung is like in his element.

once jisung finishes his solo, the entire auditorium erupts in cheers, but chenle and donghyuck are whooping and hollering the loudest. jisung's eyes immediately catch chenle's lilac purple hair, and chenle jumps up and down from where he's standing to applaud. "park jisung! park jisung! that's my best friend! park jisung, i'm your biggest fan!" the younger chinese boy shrieks.

jisung blows kisses to them, bowing to the crowd a few more times. " _marry me, jisung_!" donghyuck screams as the dancer jogs backstage, the auditorium starting to politely quiet down again.

renjun's hand feels empty without jaemin's in it. he can't bring the same courage out of him again to reach out and take it back. the rest of the performances (there are only three) are equally amazing as the other ones, but for the group, jisung's takes the cake.

after the last performance, people applaud and begin exiting the building, but the group stays behind to help the council clean up.

_after this, it's now or never._


	8. Chapter 8

_after this, its now or never..._

"i cant do this," renjun screams.

he's locked himself in the bathroom stall. donghyuck, jeno, and chenle are all surrounding the stall door, begging him to come out, and mark went with jaemin to help jisung with cleaning up backstage as a distraction. he's on the edge of a mental breakdown.

"huang renjun, you have come too far to back down now!" donghyuck screams. renjun backs up against the wall, hyperventilating. "i cant do this, i cant do this, i cant do this. what if i fuck up? what if he doesn't like me back? what if i just—" he rambles, but jeno kicks the stall door harshly, successfully almost making renjun shit his fucking pants. "what the  _fuck_?!"

"open the door, now!" jeno yells. chenle starts pounding on the door rapidly with both fists. "oh my fucking god you're going to break the fucking door down,  _stop_!" chenle giggles but ceases the slamming. "if that's what it takes to get your bitchass out of this goddamn bathroom, so be it! just come out and face your fears. i've already told you, over and over again, jaemin likes you!" donghyuck yells.

"that doesn't matter! i'm still scared!" renjun cries. he starts cussing, " _fuck, shit, piss, dick, ass, fuck, fuck, bitch, dick, shit, fuck_!" chenle cackles from the other side, "stop saying bad words!"

"why are you so scared?!" donghyuck yells. "i-i dont know, i just dont wanna do this,  _i cant do this_ , i cant! im just scared!"

"of what?" jeno asks, and the commotion in renjun's head mutes.  _of what? he's scared of what?_

they must've noticed him quiet down, so renjun spots chenle step back away from the stall. "renjun hyung, you have nothing to be scared of. we've told you plenty of times that jaemin feels the same way. you cant mess up because you wont. there's no chance," jeno says, and peeks through the crack of the door.

renjun sighs and sniffles, feeling his pocket buzz with a notification. three other notifications go off with their respective ring tones on the other boys' phones.

"its the groupchat," donghyuck says. "mark says he's on his way right now. we need to get out of here."

"renjun ge," chenle pleads. the eldest sighs in defeat, trudging to the door and unlocking the stall. jeno hugs him and renjun pats his back. "you'll do okay! it's a matter of moments that will change your relationship with jaemin hyung! go get em, tiger!" chenle chirps.

"i guess," renjun mutters. "hey," jeno says, releasing him from his hug but still gripping his shoulders. renjun maintains eye contact with him, and the younger's eyes squeeze into lines with his smile. "whatever happens, happens!"

renjun smiles back at him, and donghyuck claps his back, "let's go! go make out with jaemin!"

\--

after jeno distracted the group into going to find some of their classmates to talk about a party (that wasn't even happening, unless jeno now has to plan something), jaemin was left alone with renjun. they're hiding behind the building, renjun deciding they need some kind of privacy for this situation.

jaemin looks small there, standing in front of renjun, a glowing smile on his face, eyes shining. his lips are reddish-pink, his eyes lined with some kind of liner and a shimmery finish on his waterline. although he's taller than renjun, he looks small, innocent, and renjun feels a need to protect him, to hold him close to his chest and take care of him and hide him away from any harm.

"so, you wanted to talk to me?" jaemin interrupts his thoughts, hands folded behind his back, bouncing on his heels, a habit renjun's learned to love. jaemin can't sit still, and it's endearing.

"y-yeah," fuck, "i just... thought you should know something." he gulps. jaemin nods, and he holds eye contact, effectively intimidating renjun and rendering him speechless.

his nerves are bouncing off the fucking walls, he can hear his heartbeat in his ears, his hands are shaking and his knees are weak. his fingers wont stop twitching, and he needs to get this over with before he loses feeling in his legs. jaemin looks expectant, eyebrows raising as if asking, "are you gonna say something?"

"u-um," renjun squeaks, and clears his throat. " _you see_ — ah, fuck," he's panicking. he scratches the back of his neck and clears his throat again. his tongue feels heavy in his mouth.  _i like you, i love you, i like you a lot, you're my everything, will you be my boyfriend?, i have a crush on you—_

"you don't have to say it if you—" the younger says, gently, "no!" renjun is quick to interrupt him, voice sharp. "s-sorry, its just— you don't understand, i have to say it or i wont ever."

"okay.. take your time?" jaemin sounds unsure, voice shaky.

renjun gulps, clears his throat for the third time that night, takes a deep breath. does anything to keep him grounded. "i was just trying to tell you, that um, i.."

jaemin looks hopeful, as if he wants to hear something in specific, desperate to hear what he wants to hear. "jaemin, i have a crush on you!" he blurts, a little too loudly, a little too sudden, but now he's hoping that that's what he wanted to hear, he wants to make jaemin smile that smile, make him happy and glad.

jaemin just smiles, really really wide, like the first time he heard renjun speak. he steps forward, closes the space between them, hugs him tightly. renjun huffs out a happy breath, feeling warm in jaemin's arms, letting his head rest on jaemin's shoulder.

"you know, i'd never thought you'd say this to me one day," jaemin muses out loud, voice sounding wet. "i would only have dreams of events like this."

"you dream about me loving you?" renjun asks, arms around jaemin's waist, holding on for dear life. "its embarrassing," the younger whines, "but yeah, y-you could say that."

"i don't think you have to dream of those things any longer. i can make every dream you had come true," renjun cringes at his own corny line, but jaemin squeezes onto him, giggling. "will you really win me stuffed animals at amusement parks?"

"i'd give you the moon, really," renjun replies as they pull away. he feels himself turn shy under jaemin's flirty gaze. "does this mean you feel the same?"

"of course it does!" jaemin insists. he reaches forward and holds onto renjun's hands. the older doesnt feel scared anymore.

he catches jaemin glance at his mouth.

"i..." the younger stutters, swinging their arms back and forth. "c-can i—"

"please do," renjun practically begs.

"you're impatient as always," the korean boy laughs, before he leans down and kisses renjun on the corner of his mouth.

"don't be shy!" renjun whines, "kiss me properly."

"oh, i'm not shy at all, its just.." jaemin trails off, a smug grin on his face. "you wanted to hear me ask for it?" renjun grumbles. he laces their fingers together, loving how their hands fit perfectly. maybe they were made for each other.

"maybe," jaemin giggles, and so renjun jumps up onto his tippy toes to kiss jaemin on the mouth. the younger complies to his height, bending downward again, and renjun feels his heart burst in his chest, making him feel warm all over.

"i like you, na jaemin," renjun admits quietly when they pull apart. "would it intimidate you if i use the other word? because i've loved you for a long time, hyung," jaemin confesses. renjun's face is practically burning red. "i-i love you too!" he exclaims, suddenly feeling too excited. jaemin laughs and pushes renjun's bangs up, kissing him on the forehead sweetly. he wants this night to last forever.

"we should head back," jaemin mumbles against his lips. "maybe we should," renjun hears the disappointment in his own voice. "you can stay the night," the younger offers, and the chinese boy immediately perks up.

\--

the rest of the night is spent with jaemin and renjun holding hands, and when they make it home safely, they call it their official date after marathon-ing moomin cartoons and cuddling on the pullout bed from the couch in jaemin's living room.


End file.
